my life is so thematic

We went ice skating in Chicago to celebrate the end of fall quarter. Last year this I missed it to be alone with a special someone. This year I was practically the only one without a special someone. But I'm really glad I went. I ended up having a lot of fun. But something happened. I don't really know how or when but suddenly I became aware of the slippery situation and became scared of falling. It all happened so fast. Maybe you sensed my fear but that didn't stop you from dragging me around wobbly and making my heart skip beats. I don't know why it bothers me, probably because I've retired from the game for so long that I feel rusty or insecure. I'm so scared of speed that I prefer to not move forward at all. I have convinced myself so well that I am happy stationary that I am scared to let go of the rail and deal with slippage. Because I don't trust you anymore than I trust the ice. Fun or dangerous? Sincere or just playing? I'm so used to calculation and suspense that all this seems really suspicious to me. I think I'm going to continue telling myself the same old thing, at least for now.