why nice was never in style

so there's this wong fu video contest currently going on, with the topic of "why nice is never out of style." my friends and i are considering entering it. it's interesting that everyone that's seriously involved is what i would consider "nice."

but the very unfortunate truth is that nice has never been in style. even as someone who is usually more appreciative of nice, i often find nice passive, bland, and predictable. in a situation where someone nice is mistreated i don't feel as much bitterness toward the offender but rather frustration toward the person for not defending himself. am i just not that nice anymore?

i think i've grown weary of being nice. i'm no longer for the world and i am more ready to think that the world is against me and that everyone in it is selfish. ok that's a little extreme. but to some degree it's true that i've become cynical about other people and have let that affect how i treat them. it's such a negative outlook and i really hate it. like i said, it makes me less tolerant and more easily irritable.

there came a time when i looked around and saw no one who truly understood me. i tried to be "nice" and sympathized with them, share their tears and laughters. and they were "nice" back but i always suspected insincerity in their friendship because i saw no reciprocating attempt to understand me. really, most of the time i just feel very misunderstood or un-understood, if you know what i mean. do you know what i mean?

often we change so gradually that we can't remember what we were like before. or we change so internally that even our close friends can't call us out. but i'm confident that despite my consistent behavior i've changed so much inside the past two years. i've slowly lost my confidence and significance in God. Instead, I hold on to my pride and my selfish means to salvage it. As a result I've become more jealous, unkind, judgmental, insincere, and unloving. In the end, I'm the one that suffers really...

i know i've changed when i meet up with truly nice people. not the nice-on-the-outside kind. but people that are genuinely kind. in their presence i feel the need to disguise the little dark spots of my heart. sometimes i feel difficulty in starting conversation because i'm used to untactful things coming out of my mouth. words of complaint or cynicism, of gossip or grieving. do you ever feel that way? that someone else's is too nice for you? the truth is i really admire those that are actually kind. in fact, the reason i sulk is because i wish everyone in the world could be kind. and i always wish that some guy who's nice yet not fake, boring, passive, can sweep me off my feet. i mean surely he exists, but will he be too nice for me?! when he truly understands me will he despise my ugly thoughts? i don't even wanna know what God sees in me then.

i guess the lesson learned is that i have to be a kind person in order to know kind people and really let their kindness activate my positive feedback for kindness. and that being nice doesn't mean i have to be a pushover. neither does it mean that i just act nice. and that if i seek significance in other people's opinions of me, then i am never going to be completely satisfied with myself, and there will always be times of disappointment where other people's love for me fall short of what God intended for me to desire.