Friday, July 14

an introduction

i am incapable of staying long with one thing. with one idea. enjoy changes. excited by novelties. embraces variety. someone who can't finish one book without being lured into starting another one. someone who can't stay loyal to one band for more than a week. someone who spontaneously picks up new hobbies and just as quickly abandons old ones. and i blame my ADDness on my desire to be well-rounded. to experience everything and make it a part of me but never staying with it long enough to make it quite mine. in my effort to achieve well-roundedness, i have softened and smudged all my edges. have lost my edginess. did i not used to have such an attitude?! such flavor? reading my old diary entries i saw that i never held back any idea, no matter how absurd. i dared to be an individual. dared to flaunt my personal style. then somewhere along the way i felt the need to smother any extreme emotions, discard any crazy thoughts. moderation. moderation has made me a wanna-be in everyway. a little bit of this. a little bit of that. never an excess of anything. never dedication to one singular thing. you think you can define me, but i am just here to prove you wrong. and i think that is how i am, afraid of stereotypes, of classficiations, of genres. i don't want to stay one way but rather i want to be a million ways. which is why i'm often told to be "random" or "weird" or "ADD."and now as i am trying to think of an official first blog entry that is interesting to all yet not offending to anyone in particular and one that does not give off a particular first impression of me, i feel quite bland and mediocre. this is something i must overcome. this lack of honesty to myself. this lack of boldness and vulnerability to others. and this blog is just something to help me find my edges and resharpen them. pearls are round and smooth and ever so classy. but diamonds with its edges and glare are so much more glamorous, don't you think? so won't you help me? bear with me. be open-minded and encouraging. :) (first challenge is to become accustomed to my stream of often-incoherent and fragmented thoughts. i like periods for effect which is greatly diminished by my generosity in inserting them whenever and whereever i desire. and like to hide my subject pronouns.)