extraordinary machine

it's safe to say that i've become this robot. i don't know exactly when i became this way (college? this summer?) but everyday of my life now demands elaborate planning. everything from what to wear tomorrow to what to eat for dinner in 3 days. i feel anxiety starting a day without knowing exactly what i will do. that's not to say i'm always productive. when i'm not compulsively writing to-do lists and checking items off them, i mindlessly browse the web or watch something on TV. i study like a machine, not because i'm effective but because i need to lay out exactly what i'm going to do until the day of my test and when to do them. i've just become so thoughtless. i am no longer one of those spontaneous explorers of life, people, and places. instead i've become a housewife paranoid with the cleanliness of my kitchen and hours the library is open. my life has become so agenda-based (it's only worse during the school year) and i've lost my reflective nature. At church today when we prayed i realized i don't know myself as well as i used to. i think on my days and remember only the things i've done, not the good and the bad. i haven't kept track of my sins and praises. neither have i felt strongly about anything in a while. is this the price of education and systematic thinking?