as a young girl i was naive and imaginative with a lot of ambition and optimism. when i aspired to be a fashion designer i drew catalogs of clothes, when i aspired to be a poet i wrote poems about a love that i've never experienced but imagined to have, when i wanted to be an interior designer, i made elaborate deocrating plans for my room, our house. it never occured to me that i was too young to do all of those things. it didn't occur to me that i needed to go through certain formal training or experiences. to design i needed to take classes, to write poetry i needed to experience mature emotions. maybe others needed these, but not me, i had it in me, i was a creative beast. my imagination made everything possible, or so i thought.

growing up has taught me to doubt myself. to know my limits and be careful not to cross them. to do things only within my capacity, to have a capacity. whatever happened to the unfailing optimism? now that i am older and have experiences and access to education, aren't all those things more possible? shouldn't i pursue my life with even more fervor and confidence?!
i long for that kind of naive ambition again.