people

i never thought that this would be an area of my life that majorly needs grace. i think i've always overestimated my ability to deal with people. i always thought that i'm the good friend, the loyal unconditional one, someone who listens well and understands easily, someone who can apologize and forgive, someone who can be trusted with secrets and also opens up easily.

i now take back a lot of those beliefs about myself. i'm not so obviously a different person who is the exact opposite of what i just described. i have just been humbled by how complicated relationships can be. i begin to see some faults in other people and fail to desire deeper relationships with them because of those faults. at the same time, i am also constantly reminded of my own self-righetous rationale and feel hypocritical.

bottom line is, many uncomforting thoughts have occurred to me recently regarding my relationships with some people. and i don't know how to deal with them. i am disappointed by my own lack of honesty and boldness. i often feel torn between my own pride and the tolerance my faith has always taught me. how much is too much? where does one draw the line? i believe interpersonal conflicts are inevitable as we age but maybe my approach to them, one of fear and faked oblivion, is not really effective in resolving them.