Sunday, December 16

wrapping it up!

Tomorrow I get to find out my grades for my classes this quarter. Hm I'm just hoping for improvement, not a 4.0 or anything. I think it's important that I do some thinking now before my grades come out, so I can have the right attitude tomorrow, finding them out. I definitely would like to think that I was a more responsible student this quarter. I also tried hard to not get too caught up in it and become stressed. I think I deserve an A for working hard yet not over-stressing. So really, I have nothing to regret and should accept my grades tomorrow as they are...

I really enjoyed my dorm this year. It's a good feeling to belong somewhere and call it home away from home. Shepard's been like that for me. This year I've developed even more attachment to it. Which makes it really sad as I am forced to decide where to live next year. Nothing beats Shepard for me, really.

This quarter was interesting. Although probably the least eventful quarter personally, I felt like I got to know myself a little better. Knowing myself better, finding out new weaknesses, strengths, has helped me a lot in all areas of my life. I felt so much more grounded this quarter. In that sense, I felt closer to God. I feel like God's been intentional in planning the events of my quarter. He is funny. In a way that makes me go "wow...you got me again." But at the same time, I haven't exactly been the nicest person this quarter. I've been getting annoyed, disappointed, and apathetic easily, sometimes even with my closest friends. I think that's just one of the things I need to work on this break... humility.

my life is so thematic

We went ice skating in Chicago to celebrate the end of fall quarter. Last year this I missed it to be alone with a special someone. This year I was practically the only one without a special someone. But I'm really glad I went. I ended up having a lot of fun. But something happened. I don't really know how or when but suddenly I became aware of the slippery situation and became scared of falling. It all happened so fast. Maybe you sensed my fear but that didn't stop you from dragging me around wobbly and making my heart skip beats. I don't know why it bothers me, probably because I've retired from the game for so long that I feel rusty or insecure. I'm so scared of speed that I prefer to not move forward at all. I have convinced myself so well that I am happy stationary that I am scared to let go of the rail and deal with slippage. Because I don't trust you anymore than I trust the ice. Fun or dangerous? Sincere or just playing? I'm so used to calculation and suspense that all this seems really suspicious to me. I think I'm going to continue telling myself the same old thing, at least for now.