belated post

people are all about distinction nowadays. slopping labels onto things that don't necessarily need them. some people just need to make things black or white, missing the whole gradient in between. i really am obsessed with the grays, or as threadless prefers, the ash and the slate. the silver, the charcoal, the i-don't-want-to-be-either-extreme-but-do-acknowledge-my-existence. there's something really attractive about indecisiveness and indistinction. why am simply purple?! since when did my name become "northwestern" (uttered only in a mockingly disdainful tone)?? i mean i know it's a joke that people like to make especially here since everyone's so obsessed with the name of the school you go to. somehow i've just become more sensitive about it. it gives me little pleasure or pride but rather uncomfortableness and pressure. just because i've decided to invest a loada money into my education instead of designer bags, shiny cars, and expensive vacations, it does not mean i am snobbier than everyone else. just because my education cost 3 times yours does not mean i think i'm smarter than you. it just means i think it's worth its price tag and a good fit for me. excuse me but i am not the one to make the distinction. it has never been my intention to fence myself into my elite purple club. i am obsessed with my purple school and i am glad that you take pride in your whatever-nonfruity-colored school too but please, for friendship and compatibility sake, stop attributing my stupid remarks and actions to my no good, overpriced, purple education. i know you think it's REALLY hilarious that i go to a private school, a purple one at that, and that deep (deep deep) down you actually really do love and care for me and respect my life decisions. but as amusing and easily amused as i am, public humiliation has never been my favorite idea of comedy. so this is my over-sensitive self speaking. but maybe it's just an outburst from holding in stuff and an attempt at a serious tone for once. seriously. i think i deserve more respect sometimes. and people need to stop looking for distinctions but rather similarities and how nicely people can mix, whether they're black, white, or ... purple.the ladder system. it has been a theory to explain the distinctive dating patterns of males and females. it has taken me a while to learn that maybe, just maybe, it isn't so black and white. i believe in the ladder system but i think it can backfire. here comes my deepest confession, i don't think the ladder system works for me. the traits that i look for in a boyfriend are often then same ones that i look for in any guy available for friendship. i mean, i want my friends to be funny, sensitive and loyal, as much as i want my boyfriend to be. so what's the distinction between good guy friends and boyfriends? looks? attraction? i consider many of my guy friends good-looking and i am mostly attracted to good personality anyway. so really, the 2 ladders dont exactly exist for girls. the guys that fit all the criteria are standing right on the friendship ladder, maybe unwilling to jump themselves. so apparently guys only have one ladder and every girl is date-able but in different degrees. but what if you come across a good gal friend with an amazing personality, but you just can't work up any physical attraction in yourself, wouldn't you easily place her on this "friendship ladder" and still depend on her friendship while you look to one of the few girls on your "dating ladder" for physical comfort? i think guys are less desperate and more superficially picky thanthe ladder system suggests. some people do ignore the ladder system, they ignore the gap because it means not taking a chance at true love. i think when a successful jump between ladders occurs, something magical happens.why are people so afraid of the lines that separate them? they're merely imaginary and set by society. so strict, formal, so awkward and so limiting.