Quarterly Report

I slept for most of my train ride back this time. Usually I bring something to do but I didn't bother this time because I knew I would have no problem sleeping after two deprived nights. Plus, it's a good feeling after having to do so much during the quarter, to finally be able to get away with not doing anything (at least for a couple days). Life can sometimes be too much at once, no?! Take this quarter for example, there were a lot of add-ons to my usual academic pursuits.To begin with, I finally began taking upper level biology classes. They sure are bundles of fun. Having only three classes, I spent a lot of time two-timing Cell Bio and Neurobiology. With Cell Bio it was a love-hate relationship. It was frustrating when studying did not always equal good grade. He actually expects us to understand and apply? what?! On the other hand, despite the boring lectures, I learned to integrate biology in the classroom and biology in the laboratory, how we know what we know and how we don't know anything for sure. The brain is just such an interesting thing (it twists my mind). So Neurobiology really gave me new reasons to appreciate the brain. While on the artistic side I really began to see art as envisioned by my program, art as something living, animated, and with the potential to affect things. I left the class feeling very inspired to do something awesome for the senior project next year. Research is also something new. Actually, I spent as much time in lab as I did in classes. Sad, right? Actually, it isn't always bad. Half of the time it was repetitive experiments but they're so mindless that it's almost therapeutic. The other half of the time, I was just utterly confused, trying to understand what the experiment meant or what experiment to do next. Thankfully I made a friend in lab which made it quite bearable. Besides the fact that he is already a pro at whatever we are doing, he's also an easy person to talk to. So while we're trying to make proteins show up as 2 mm bands on nitrocellulose, we're talking about cooking, music, and our frustration with the bio classes. It's finally the time (and maybe even a little tardy) plan for my future and my career. There's little backing out now because I need all the forward drive. Medical school is not as far as it used to be. It scares me that I have to make so many commitments for a future that is looking uncertain as always. I guess my philosophy has always been to take life one day at a time and not busy myself too much with anxiety about the future. But now that I am forced to, it really keeps me on my toes. I think what bothers me more is the fact that I have to grow up. I know I'm immature to think that because so many of my friends seem ready to take on the world as independent adults. I feel like medicine is one of those professions that force you to grow up fast. The amount of motivation and perseverance involved train your brain to discipline itself, not dwelling on stupid thoughts but focusing on important things. Not that I'm so fond of the stupid thoughts that go through my head, but it's the small things in life that make everyday worthwhile for different reasons. And it's the trivial fancies that characterize our unique personalities. On top of this, this quarter has been socially interesting. I feel like I was on a long emotional rollercoaster ride while trying to hold onto my textbooks and other concerns. Old issues surfaced between old friends while new friends showed up in my life. I learned quite a couple basic lessons. About others, every friend has his imperfections that will bother you as much as your imperfections bother him, but real friends aren't based on matching degree of perfection but rather mutual understanding, trust, and some grace. About me, I am not as tolerant of others as I thought I could be, sometimes I can't always demonstrate the trust, grace, and understanding that I demand in others. Other times, I feel like I am too tolerant and passive. I always knew that I was pretty passive but that hasn't been tested until recently. About general social interactions, to quote one wise Korean man, not everyone can get along with everyone else. so obvious but didn't hit me until this year. I think previously I was still stuck in my elementary school theory of relationships that if you are nice to someone else, he will be nice back and you've got yourself a friend. And even more naively, I believed that this applied to everyone else too, that if people don't wrong each other they can be friends despite personality differences. After all, I've always been told that I make friends indiscriminately. They aren't always the same type of people, so there are no defining characteristics for Chang's Friends. What make people click? When is it ok to accept that people don't get along; when should I not give up on a friendship but reconcile those differences? Who are my real friends? Why?Last but definitely not least, this quarter has also been emotionally rewarding. I don't remember the last time someone made me so happy and content. It's not just the superficial giddiness that comes with a new romance, although that's definitely there, it's this deep down joy and satisfaction that overcomes my heart when I think about how perfect we are despite all our imperfections as people, how this is something real and honest that I can count on in a world of superficial and polite interactions. Sometimes it's enough to make a bad day turn good. I'm so cheesy, I know... XPSo that has been my quarter. It's been one of a kind.