school - a casual post for a change

call me a nerd, but i like learning. animate arts was very unplanned yesterday due to missing dvd (the yes men) that we were supposed to watch. we ended up youtubing segments. i was slightly annoyed but you know, in the end, i decided that i liked that lecture. i enjoyed having intellectual discussions about media and image. how society has placed such a value on image. how you can dress up BS in a nice suit and sell it to anyone. how we can take any professional-looking website and believe its legitimacy. politics is all about image too. it's not so much what a person is anymore but how he presents himself. a part of me hates the fact that media dominate so much of our perception of life and people. where does an artist draw the line between art for the pursuit of beauty and art for the pursue of image.

another good discussion was regarding the emphasis on exchange value as opposed to use value. we no longer simply make our own necessary commodities and use them. we've become a society of economics and calculation, defining the value of a commodity by how many dollars it can be exchanged for. not only has the world become so materialistic, but it has become so competitive and shrewd. capitalism is literally busi-ness. chaos that you can't avoid. it's been built into your way of thinking.

but anyway i am finally back into the full swing of school. it's odd to have to read so much again and it's odd to have to depend on physical planners again. organization has become essential to efficient use of time and keeping track of all responsibilities. the weirdest thing is walking around campus not recognizing so many people. i seemed to have forgotten how big the student body is and how many people i don't know, and i'm not just talking about freshmen.

other weird things... living off campus and not seeing my friends at night. strangely i don't feel extremely lonely because i get my dose of people during the day and i do get to see some friends at night. it does make me appreciate on-campus activities more. but i do kinda like having the peace and quietness of a big apartment. doesn't seem like i'll go to the library as much this year, considering the distance and the inconvenience. i certainly miss having meals with people although not so much the dining hall food. i've become quite comfortable with eating my own cooking.

i still don't think i look forward to an older age when i will have to live by myself and look after myself. i feel like as you get older your friends are less involved in your life. even when you move offcampus, there's definitely this detachment. so what will happen when i'm 20-something and single? i know i'll be too busy to be bored. but i hope life won't be simply busy and fast-paced. because then my youth will leave me before i know it and it'll be too late. i think will get a big fluffy dog.

i wish i had set some goals for this school year but it's not too late now. i think i want to be a more real person this year. i want to be more grateful, more generous, and more loving. i don't want to be as scared or pessimistic in certain situations but face everything with confidence and boldness. i want to own academics. i want to get to know some professors and not be afraid of approaching them. it's gonna be a good year, yeah?!