Someone's been very emo lately.

sheridan is the main road that runs from the south to the north of northwestern campus. to me it's more than just an endless walk to orgo midterm, to bio lab, or occasionally to the gym. sheridan and i are friends. you see, it's on sheridan where deep thoughts cross my mind and i feel as existential as i can ever feel. despite complainig about the lack of company in the morning i enjoy the long walks alone. i let my hair down, put on some cute shoes and am ready to face the traffic of people who can't identify me behind my gigantic shades. i can make any judgment i want without being rude or creepy. i can think about how one girl's jeans are too flare for her flowy shirt, how another girl's hair is straighter than mine, how another girl is too good-looking for her boyfriend, how cute and ugly the next asian guy is. really, i even dare say that i acquire more insight from people-watching during the 15 min walk to physics than i do during the 50 minute lecture (unless it's thursday in which case the delicious physics TA also inspires great discoveries). but do not mistaken my relationship with sheridan to be a shallow one. i return enough deep insight and pour out enough puddles of secrets onto the pavement to drown a chipmunk if not a squirrel. my walks on sheridan are sadly some of the only times i am alone and allow myself to think. any more time spent in deep reflection guilts me into studying or sleeping. but so many thoughts pass by deprived of deserved attention. sheridan keeps them all; i bet you couldn't tell from the flyers and chalking hiding them. it is now that i realize how much i appreciate sheridan and its openness to me. i am beginning to enjoy keeping things to myself and to objects not unlike this blog and keeping my mouth shut to people. something happens when you share something personal with a friend, say confession of a certain crush. the moment those words come out of your mouth, the secret is no longer yours. it has become an object which also belongs to your friend. upon discussion the object is exaggerated and calls for action. now you feel like something must be done about this crush. this causes you to make something tangible out of thoughts, or to act upon feelings that come unnaturally out of your mouth. maybe you didn't like him as much before but now there's no going back. all the while this happens you have taken a sacred and mystic connection between you and your crush and killed it by scrutinizing it with your best friend. any romantic posibilities are now ingenuine either because you have forced it or because it is no longer secretive. this is an example of why i think it's important to be more exclusive to myself when it comes to such matters. sometimes it's just better to NOT share because everything you say becomes an object that other people are now free to see, free to judge, and free to use against you. it's more limiting than liberating.